October 24, 2013

To The Mad Ones...

There's a great line in Hope Floats:  "My dad says childhood was the happiest time of my life.   But I think he's wrong.  I think my mom's right.  She says that childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome."  While I had a great childhood, I find this quote truthfully amusing!

Everyone knows it's our circumstances and environments that shape us. What I find fascinating is that most people don't have a clue as to who they are and therefore have no idea as to what makes them truly happy.  To know that, you really have to be aware of your past and let your guard down enough (not to mention it's imperative you'll have to disable your excuse maker) to really have a look at your patterns.

There are people in my life that have valiantly ATTACKED THEIR SHIT.  And there are those in my life I love dearly that are content to live life in the shadows of who they have always been... who society, their family, our culture and their excuse maker says that they are... They live in the lies of thinking that this is who they will always be and live in the prayers that God will change their present.

This is weighing on me tonight... Maybe it's being in Mazama, maybe it's that it's my beloved BF's birthday, maybe it's Memphis... But I just feel compelled to say thank you to my own personal heroes.  They are regular people that looked in the mirror, were honest with what they saw and began to live.  Their fearlessness has changed my life and opened my eyes to a world of possibility.  They are the ones on fire, that are electric... or the more famous so-called 'Mad Ones'...  ;)



By following your passion, you're doing what makes you come alive.  Watching your light, has given me the courage to follow my own passion.  This passion makes ME come alive and in the creation of that exciting energy, you're choices inspired me to light my own fires. The ash taking flight in the breeze carries itself to become embers in the hearts of the people around me- my own friends and family.  My fire and their embers turn into OUR wildfire.  COOL.  :)  In following your passion without desperation, you've given yourself the gift of ONLY choosing to love what you do.  It's not about society's version of success, the money you want to make, the fame, 'getting there,' being financially stable or coming up with a plan... 

Instead, you do what you love, without expectation and the world opens up.  You always love what you do!  There's no frustration, no desperation, no explaining to family & friends why (insert nonsense here) hasn't happened yet.  I used to be envious of these friends... Their gigs, their houses, relationships... But thanks to their courage, and my own choices to live in the bluest, hottest of fire, snuggling up to the unknown, I find myself always pursuing what I love for no other reason than to be in constant love with life.  This kind of life has no regrets! I don't have to 'get there.'  I just get to do what I love. In fact, it's pretty freakin' awesome.  (P.S.  When I'm done in Mazama end of February, I have no idea what I'm doing-- yay!!!)


Any of the folks that I know that inspire and rock my world through their creativity, leadership, friendship or conversation, are those that recognize their patterns. They make no excuses for themselves. They've taken the time to know their past but allow the past to be the past. They don't sit in all of that history wishing it had been different.  They love themselves enough to make their future different.  I've struggled with this for years!

My heroes change their habits and since I've moved here, I've been able to take a good look at mine.  Changing habit isn't impossible, it just feels impossible.  In the 'Power of Habit' by Charles Duhigg, he conducts and reviews decades of studies on how our minds work.  I was fascinated to learn that no matter what your habit is, the impulse will always be there.  We think that if we had really changed we wouldn't be tempted anymore.  In fact, these studies showed that just the opposite is true.  The impulse will always be there but how we respond is able to change.  We need new habits for our middle journeys and new pay offs as our reward.    

My heroes make new habits.  They do this through making choices that best serve them.  They don't choose quick gratification, or choose the tough choice next time (like I eventually do on every diet I've ever been on- ha!)... They choose the best option now.  The real deal now!  Not when they feel like it.  Or on Monday.  Or after one more romp in the sack.  Then those positive choices become habit. Only then does the impulse change.  

These folks courageously choose to overcome the shit of who they used to be, how they grew up, who their family and friends want them to be, all of the expectations and instead they step forward into the unknown of everything they want to be.


Our mind gives us 12,495,949,249 reasons why NOT to do something...  It usually involves finances or not having time, etc, etc, etc... "But, but, but..."  When you choose with your heart, being whole and complete, aware to know the power is all yours, you make the choice that best serves you. 

When you choose the choice that best serves you rather than the ones that you always make, this immediately makes you the person you always wanted to be.  You're already different because you just changed the status quo.  "That's just who I am.  I can't change" becomes a good laugh.  I just did, Martha Focker!!!  Right now!!! IN YOUR FACE!!!

There's nothing more exciting to me than watching someone grow and blow the doors off of their past. There was nothing more magical than being in my own depths of despair, without a job or a plan, making fearless choices and watching my own world open up.  Following your heart always grows you and always changes your life.  Following your head leads to a passionless life (boo!!!) that may be 'correct' to most people but it doesn't do much for your soul. I did that for years... What a waste-- but what a beautiful lesson.


Most people live for society, for their family's happiness, for what our culture tells us to do, for their relationship, what we think will make us happy.  My heroes live a life that is integral first and foremost to themselves. They keep their commitments while knowing the biggest commitment is to one's self.  

One of my favorite books is a memoir by Paula D'Arcy called 'Gift of the Red Bird.'  In her book she talks about losing her husband and daughter in a car crash.  After that experience, she wrote a book called 'When People Grieve' which came with a myriad of offers to speak at conferences. That fast paced lifestyle turned her world upside down.  Because it was ministry, she considered it 'good.'  She thought that's what God wanted.  She eventually ran herself into the ministry ground with a case of mono.  Only through that experience, being bedridden with a young daughter to raise and going through a deep depression, did she realize that even though an offer is 'good,' even though commitments are made-- the greatest commitment is to yourself.  

If you can't commit to your own self care and happiness and making sure you're taking the time to pursue what makes you come alive, you ultimately have very little to give.  The fire (if ever there was one) burns out and you find yourself in bed with mono while others take care of you again and again. Not exactly part of the plan! 

Being a burden to others, relying constantly on friends and family to support you is incredibly hopeless.  Impossibility is a dark place. Thank you to those friends that make the hard choices and change the patterns and do the work.  Thank you to the Paula D'Arcy's of the world that plant their feet on the ground, take off their infested, germ-y pajamas and begin to live.  For Paula, it started with gratitude...


I have a friend that had a really hard past.  She's struggled with it for years...  I'm honestly not sure how she connected the dots but I've been watching her over the past year and it is just wildly exciting how much she has grown.  I've never considered her broken or a carwreck but I think maybe she viewed herself that way for a long time?  She thought she was unfixable, a big mistake, unlovable. It wasn't easy... With deep rooted hurts, it can be hard to see patterns. You're not aware of your habits.  It can be serious work to learn how to fall in love with yourself or even just feel okay especially when the people who are supposed to be your biggest fans offer no support. Families have been known to manipulate and twist the thinking of loved ones (they'd never!!!) out of fear for their own various losses.  They like their shit so they make their loved ones believe that their self care and life changing decisions are selfish.  HA!  Lame.  I've learned that if 'friends' aren't supporting a decision that you know will grow you, then they're probably not people you want in your life anyway.

My friend is definitely not a victim anymore and she gives great concern to every aspect of her life.  "Does this best serve me?" She has given me such inspiration while I've been here.  She is the SHIT and she is absolutely my hero!!!

Victims and martyrs often pray for God to show them a sign and change their life...  They wait for life to happen. My heroes don't wait for God-- they know He's already empowered them.  They make it happen-- not through a plan that involves zero risk... but by always choosing with their heart what makes them come alive and seeing it through to completion no matter what the cost.

I could go on and on... But there's something about people with light in their eyes, a spring in their step, wisdom on their lips, full hearts... I used to think it came through age but I've realized it just takes work and a heck of a lot of courage.  It requires getting out of the comfy cozy box we fall asleep in every night.

I couldn't be more thankful to those that have inspired me.  They cause me to grow and inspire others.  And it spreads... this lightness, this ease, this love of life.  I want it to radiate in every fiber of my being.  I get to be a part of it because I'm in it.  And eternally grateful.  THANKS YOUSE GUYS.  My friends, my dream makers and risk takers... the original rump shakers... ;)

One of the mad ones,

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I found this blog entry while snooping around. It was perfect to share with my daughter tonight. This is how the night went: Talked with two of our kids about their futures, college, working, interests and how the world presents opportunities when you get involved in stuff. I finally get to bed and begin to go through old bookmarks for recipes I saved a long time ago. I find an old recipe I vaguely remember about delicious crumb knock-off Van de Kamp donuts. Hmmm, any more recipes? Next I'm reading about your visit to India and your love of Star Wars (up oh, he saw it without you!) and then I came upon this little gem of an entry. I ALMOST didn't read it but I like the movie Hope Floats so I clicked on it. It was meant to be that I found this to pass on to them and trust me, for myself as well. I thoroughly enjoyed. Btw, love your food pics on Instagram and I started following you. :)