I've been dying to blog and everytime I go to do it I think, "What on EARTH would I write about?" I don't have money to try any exciting new things, I wouldn't necessarily have the energy if I did! The 126,000 thoughts going through my head everyday right now are "business, business, business, MandiCakes, MandiCakes, MandiCakes, break-up, break-up, break-up." Oh! And "find a life & friends in Chicago because you're incredibly lonely!"
But who's got time to make croissants & creme brulees and everything else I've always wanted to try, or to find soulmate friends that will belly laugh with you playing boardgames until three in the morning drunk on cheap wine when there's SO MUCH to do! It's an F5 FLYING COW TORNADO OF CHANGE happening in my life right now and I have no control over it!!! I have noooo control. That's right, Billy Joel-- It's PRESH-AHHH!!! AHHHH!!!!
So that's what's going on in my brain. Ahem.
Anyway... I had no idea what I was going to write today but I was adamant that I was going to post a blog. I went to type in the title & Jimmy Eat World's 'The Middle' is what I typed. It's my 'God Song.' I always hear it when I'm in my Anne Shirley-esque 'depths of despair' and it's always when I've forgotten about it being my 'God Song.' Maybe I smoke the crackpipe but to me it's a little miracle I've heard at the craziest of times. I haven't heard it lately but I do find it interesting THAT'S what came out of my fingers when I pressed them to the keyboard of this new roomie hand-me-down Dell laptop. And I ain't gonna lie, there were some MandiCrocker tears...
So I need to just let it all go. DUH!!! BE IN THE MOMENT. ACCEPT that I have no control. Be productive. Stay positive. Stay THANKFUL... When you have no vision and everything feels dark & overwhelming, it IS pretty exciting to watch things fall into place & work out. It's almost like magic. I look forward to lots & lot of magic. It's a Doyle Brunson kind of 'luck.'
And here are the words that make the MC cry...
'It just takes some time.
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine.
Everything, everything will be all right, all right."
And I am sooooo in the middle right now. You can't change the past, you can't worry about the future, there's only now. It's the middle...which is perfectly right where I'm supposed to be.
Much love, everybody... Hope you have wonderful weekends!!