I woke up this morning feeling horrendous. I had a headache, I was super dehydrated, I was in so much of a sugar hangover/coma I thought maybe I really had diabetes and I was dying. And I was panicked. My thought process:
"I have a list of things to do today-- I have to bake cookies for my mom, package & get brownies out to Ginny tomorrow, I have to shower and put on some make up because my face looks like someone put a pillow over it & sat on it all night. Oh yeah, FIND A JOB- right!! Balance your checkbook to see how long you have before sh*t hits the you know what, find a 2011 calendar, see if you can miraculously afford to send mom a birthday present, make New Year's Eve cards for friends & family, clean the bathroom before V gets back from California, research whether Chrome-6 is really in Chicago water because I DON'T want to have eight headed babies, fix your life, find peace, happiness and joy even if it KILLS YOU!!! AHHHH!!!!"
I drank a huge glass of water and took two Excedrin. And then... *breathe*... I remembered it was Sunday...
One of the many beautiful blessings about being fired (Oh yeah, I got fired last week!) is that I have my Sundays free again. When I made my list about what I'm bringing into my life a month ago- spirituality, knowing God and meditation were high on the list. So when I got fired, the first thing I thought is 'AWESOME!! Of course I did!! Now I can go to Bodhi Spiritual Center services.' While today didn't work out because the service had already started by the time I got up, it helped me to remember COMMITMENT.
There's a quote either by Gerta or Goethe (both have been credited) that says, "At the moment of commitment, the universe conspires to assist you." Meaning... when we show the universe or God that we really mean business, it/He wants to help out. It's like searching for investors for a business. Who wants to hand over a check of money to a person who doesn't believe in themselves or in a person that has no vision? Who hasn't taken steps to break ground? You can't just have the idea. You can't just have the passion. You have to live and believe it. You have to say yes and take steps forward.
I guess for my more biblical friends it's the idea of 'God helps those that help themseves.' Or for Sylvester Stallone fans, his quote in 'Over the Top', "The world meets no one half way. If you want it, you've got to take it." Awww yeah. ;)
But the universe/God DOES meet us when it sees we've committed because we've begun to bring these things into our lives. Another quote about this process:
"Visioning is a process by which we train ourselves to be able to hear, feel, see, and catch God's plan for our life or for any particular project we're working on. An organic process that has evolved for me as I grow spiritually, it is based on the idea that we're not here to tell God what to do or to ask God for things but to absolutely be available for what God is already doing, to open ourselves up to catch what's already happening.” –Michael Bernard Beckwith
I was very much reminded of that today. Even making the effort to look up services for Bodhi, dissolved my panic into excitement and peace. Suddenly I remembered all of the homemade posters I have on my wall (It's like 'The Secret' barfed all over my room!) of what I'm bringing into my life: spirituality, yoga, a successful business, acting/comedy, poker, travel, singing, and a few others... I remember that 2011 (or the past three months or right now) is going to be an amazing year full of joy and transformation because I'm deciding on a momentary basis to take the steps to make that happen.
I saw the life I want to create for myself and was able to picture it and imagine it. I was able to believe it was going to happen because it IS happening. The headache is gone... the panic and desperation are gone...
I realized today is the day after Christmas. It shouldn't be ugly. It should be a lazy day full of beauty and gratitude. I didn't allow yesterday to be anything other than what I wanted it to be, so why would I make today into a firestorm of panic? Then I realized TODAY is Christmas. And so is tomorrow? EVERY day is Christmas!!! Christmas is RIGHT NOW!! Holy crap!!! :)
And it's amazing... when I got out of panic & desperation mode, my mind was clear and my heart was full. A friend texted me to wish me a belated Christmas and I was in such a state of peace and joy about my life I had the clarity of heart and mind to focus on her. It allowed me to remember how awesome SHE is and to encourage her in her pursuits. Because I was able to believe magical things for myself, I was able to believe them for her. I sent her some encouragment and apparently she really needed it. I didn't say anything I hadn't said to her before but again, after making the commitment to myself, God allowed me to catch on & be a part of the ride for her. It was just such a beautiful lightbulb moment. How magical a lesson... Had I stayed in that place of darkness and confusion, I wouldn't have thought to encourage my friend. What a tragedy that would have been had I missed it...
And I truly hope any of this makes sense & I'm not just babbling. :)
In the immortal words of the Muppets, "It's true wherever you find love, it feels like Christmas." So that's my encouragment to you today and the reminder to myself. Today is Christmas. (Unless it's Hanukkah...cause it could also be Hanukkah!!!) :) Stay committed to the good stuff of life: love, joy, gratitude, hope, commitment, belief, etc. It reaps amazing, beautiful things for yourself and for those around you.
Here's to saying yes to the highest vision we have for ourselves in 2011!!