June 01, 2009


Occasionally you get a cake order that just goes WRONG. Horribly wrong. It usually happens in 5th grade while attempting a heartfelt cake for dad on Father's Day. You flip the cake over and before it's had a chance to cool, it breaks in half. You try to stick it back together with maple syrup cause you're not the sharpest cheddar in the cheese drawer so you actually think that will work. HA! Not that I've EVER done that.

Or it can happen, you know, after 20 years experience.

The other night my friend Millie (aka: Mills Vanills, General Mills) asked me to do a cake for my 'life class' teacher Candace Silvers. She teaches how human behavior affects our everyday relationships from a more Buddhist perspective? (If you've ever been to her class, you'd know it's SO MUCH MORE than that). Anyway, she's done so much for me especially in regard to how I think about my life and about myself and how NOT to think so much about my life & about myself. :) Anyway, she's been a real gift. In return, it was MY gift to be able to do this cake for her.

Sadly, I do not have pictures to document the future "Drag Me To Hell" events that took place between the hours of 8pm & 4am. Anytime I've ever screwed up on a cake, I've always found some way to make it salvageable with some patience & a little creativity. This cake, however, was a spiritual battle with evil forces I ain't done seen since Poltergeist. This cake needed to be exorcised. But thankfully, love always wins and this event has made a remarkably touching story for all ages! ;)

On a lunch break, I decided to tell the story through some award winning pointillism artwork with a Georges-Pierre Seurat influence. Strange. They came out like stick figures. Hmmm....

Here is how my evening unfolded:

Oooh! Look how happy & excited I am! Many blessing to Candace!

This should have been my first clue.

Martha. My second clue. ;)

There are special places in hell for those silicone pans.

See? Salvageable. Give the cake a little shave & they're almost circular. Sort of.

But there's a lump. "I don't like lumps, Chuck!"

And let the stupidity begin!

Oh, okay! I AM a brilliant domestic goddess. Go me!

OR NOT. And I'm tired.

Foolish resolve.

Did I mention I was already super tired?

And did I mention the panic set in about 2 hours prior?

Did I mention that my mother lives 3,000 miles away & this was a serious problem?

But in a "It was a Christmas miracle!" turn of events, I DID come up with something.

And it even stayed together. :)

Which goes to prove... that a little creativity & love & lack of sleep & headache & nausea can go a LONG way.

When Mills saw the cake, she cried she was so excited. And THAT ladies & germs is what it's all about. :) :) :)

*swoon, swoon*

So "funny." In doing a cake for my teacher who teaches me what worry & panic & a horrible thought process can do to your day/night. Amazing how chaos is where I immediately went to when things started getting rocky.

Are we learning yet? God bless you, Candace.

That's one to grow on! Namaste, dudes.


Lucy Marie said...

Oh, wow. What a night. Those stick figure pictures had me rolling on the floor in laughter. It turned out wonderfully though!

Sassypants Wifey said...

What a bummer! Glad it worked out and it looks great! Love the drawings, I could totally picture it all going down. Damn that Martha and her eternal vim for keeping the everyday people from reaching her status. I think she endorses products that will forever keep people in the dark about how she REALLY does it. What a turd she is.

Keep up the lovely cakes!!!

Anonymous said...

Actually, it is all MY fault. I bought you the silicone cake pans...I SUCK!

(can I get Candace's number?)

MammaDucky said...

Loved your illustrations. Made me giggle.
P.S. You're not helping my dieting at all. That cake looks yumzy.

MandiCrocker said...

OH MAN. Look at my giant mouth. Look at my giant foot. Look at my giant foot going into my mouth. Look at the unappreciation on my face as a wonderful, beautiful, awesome and dynamic friend bought me a wonderful baking gift that in my own pathetic expertise cannot seem to get right.

WOW. There's just nooo getting around this one, eh, Mama (Kelalag)? I'm going to sit here & suffer in my own festering horror of what I've done. UGH. The wind... the sails...

Kayla said...

props dude. major props.

Robyn said...

How can you squeeze so much cuteness into one person? You have more than your fair share. And, that's not fair.



Darci (Mandi's seester) said...


Jacki said...

Yes, your illustrations made the post that much better!

larajanepark said...

Am hysterically laughing with Cosmopolitan in my hand....the cake was amazing....I have been "claiming" ignorance about baking/cooking for 4 years (divorce is best way to re-invent self). You baked it! I, on the other hand, purchased empty Pyrex pie plate at estate sale for $.50 and will never use it. Have not baked in said time. Snaps to you. You are BETTER THAN MARTHA!!!! (as in, funny and you crack me up! Not to mention, you make beautiful stick figure drawings and chicken-poxed cakes)