On Nov. 1, 2010 I wasn't doing too well. I had moved to Chicago away from all of my family and friends in L.A., only to go through a crushing break-up. It was terrifying. I had nothing- no job, no money, no one to nurse me through my first heartache. I knew I had moved to Chicago for some reason or purpose but didn't quite understand why. It was a very confusing time.
On the phone one night, my beloved BF told me this story she read about some indie rock band chick (or something? I don't remember) who wrote a letter to herself from the future. I thought this might be a really terrific exercise as I was knee deep in Eat, Pray, Love highlighting and 'Me Parties.'
I wrote a letter from my all-knowing self on Nov. 1, 2012 to my broken self living in Nov. 1, 2010. (VERY Terminator 2, by the way- *swoon, swoon*). I haven't read this letter for two years but I needed to know and believe that everything would be okay.
Well today is November 1st, 2012. And I don't mean to sound like a nerfherder but to reread this letter was pretty powerful for me.
Here's the letter...
For starters, I could absolutely word for word write that letter right now. I am moved, awed, shocked at how everything has come to fruition and what hasn't 'happened' (acting, singing, etc.), has been budgeted out for January.
Specific things that come to mind?
1) Money-- "You stand on your own two feet financially"... If ever I were to use the word impossible, it would be to describe the idea of being financially stable. HOWEVER, on my birthday, I made the last payment on my debt consolidation program that I have been paying off for five years. I also work at a brand name bakery that pays me very well to run all of it's operations. This stability is DUMBFOUNDING. Five years ago I would have thought that was impossible. I was so hopeless and tired, I began to resent anyone that actually got to live their life. I'm not that way anymore. Everyone has that opportunity to create the life they want. Paying off that debt was game changing let alone making decent money for the first time EVER? IT'S NUTS. It makes me speechless and I am BLESSED to have learned those lessons. By the way? The Debt Consolidation Blog is next. And you're going to crap your pants.
2) Friends-- "People who come into your life to help"-- People that come to mind? Oh gosh... Boatloads. Dr. Beth and her husband, who have been ridiculously good to me. Dr. Beth has been a kindred spirit but they've also helped supply basic needs-- a bed frame, a dresser, clothes... Absolute angels. And an introduction to Weber's Bakery? Come on now. ;)
My amazing Rooms-- who let me live with her rent free for three months until I found a job. Then once I found a job, it paid crap, so she was selfless (even in her OWN unemployment-- seriously) to be patient enough to wait almost a FULL YEAR for me to pay her back. Noics is one of the most selfless people I've ever met. She will give anyone the shirt off of her back. I like to help people how I like to help them and when I feel like it. The Rooms just gives & gives & gives.
My ex's mom-- She took me on an all expense paid trip to Hawaii. ALL EXPENSE PAID TRIP. Being jobless at the time, I didn't even end up having spending money so she ended up paying for everything AND I got her sick on the way home with a horrible cold. She has been nothing but undyingly kind & generous to me. I couldn't be more grateful.
Chef-- Oh my GOD... Chef. I love you, Chef. Chef watched all of this happen, didn't judge me, didn't call me crazy or tell me what to do... He just kind of let me go through shit & figure it out but made sure I was well fed. My dear friend with a heart of gold I love to pieces has been a constant in Chicago and I'm blessed to know him. YOU'RE THE SHIT, CHEF!!! I'M NOT EVEN WRITING SHIT LIKE THIS CHEF-- SH*T-- IT'S THE REAL SHIT!!! IT'S SHIT, SHIT!!! When you're Chef, you're family. ;)
Jennifer Love Heater, Awesome Sue, Matt Watts--- financial contributors... either during bouts of joblessness or people that believed in me enough to help me with my business.... My mom, my dad... the writers... the fearless cast & crew...
BF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't write about BF because there's just waaaay too much magic in our friendship. Our mantra? "Everything radically changes today" and I can't tell you the countless times the craziest stuff has come into my life because of the belief I had in this saying. Bf and I also laugh ourselves silly like 8 year old girls. We always gross ourselves out with these nasty characters & voices & facial expressions-- like the Garbage Pail Kids of sketch comedy characters. My mom would just die. Last night BF was imitating her puking cat--? (tame by the way) ... But we laaaaaaaaaaaaugh & laaaaaaaaaaaugh...
And Christine, the Boogs, Jor Jor... all the folks at the Tea Shop-- especially my boss at the time... Friends I barely get to see these days... But I'm just dumbfounded at these people who have gone above & beyond and have taught me so much. I love you all dearly!!! Or the Ipod who sent me the BEST GIFTS EVER like THIS and THIS. I'm thinking maybe I got that part wrong... 'People' coming into my life really should have been the word 'angels.' Then I would have gotten it right!
3) "Doors that are open a smidge that become the whole world"... THE TEA SHOP. Who knew a Tea Shop would give me a powerhouse confidence? Flipping two stores & learning how to 'make it happen.' There was no excuses at the tea shop-- you ran your store as an owner & to get results you sacrificed your own life in many ways. I'm eternally grateful for that experience & future self was spot on about that. Because that opportunity was fueled by an inner drive just dying for a chance, and that chance became ridiculously hard work which became black & white results which became this fierce confidence. And that confidence and experience is ABSOLUTELY how I got the bakery position. "You are your own person, healthy & confident." I CAN PROBABLY WALK ON WATER. If not, I'll make it happen. I know a guy. ;)
4) "Beautiful and fearless parts you didn't even know existed anymore-- or existed
at all for that matter!" At what point did I become an adventurer!??? I AM fearless and if it doesn't scare me these days I get bored reeeeeal quick. There's too much magic & electricity in stepping out in faith. Miracles (such as reading a letter you've written yourself from the future) are moments way too cool to pass up!
5) "IT'S EASY!" The best part... I have no idea HOW I got to where I am, I only know that I did. And when I look at the life I created for myself, it WAS easy. Stepping out of your comfort zone is sooo hard but once you get used to it, things just happen in the EASIEST ways.
In the past two years, I:
Went to Hawaii
Increased the growth of a business by 17%
Traveled to Milwaukee
Got very real experience as a leader & mentor
Traveled to New Orleans, Oxford (Ol' Miss), Houston
I was introduced to the delicious, dreamy world of craft beer
Watched two of my best friends get married in the most incredible ceremony of all time
Paid off my debt consolidation
I learned that I was a defining factor in someone's existence & altered their life path
Chef and I made pizza on the grill (the grill!!??) & Julia's Boeuf Bourginon!
Watched Bridesmaids 2,494,310 times.
I've learned how to play poker & craps
Became a major tea drinker (I HATED tea)
I have eaten so much good food from places I've seen on the Food Network it's disgusting!
I have come up with some crazy good recipes I didn't even know I had in me-- Salted Caramel Creme Brulee Cupcakes? HOLY BALLS.
And that's just stuff I can remember in a minute... I'm just SOOOO utterly grateful and blessed and excited for what's to come. I can only imagine what the next two years will bring... Truly. And this letter to yourself? Give it a whirl... You'll be amazed how cool you are!!! ;)
PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIS?????????????????????? :) :) :) :)
"Here's to the future cause we got through the past," ;)